Have you ever noticed the way we girls sometimes eat part of a cookie, then 12 minutes later go back for a little more? And then do it over and over? We end up eating the whole thing, but not enjoying it in its entirety. I think it ends up being less satisfying this way - it's piecemeal instead of the full indulgence, but yet, it still gets consumed. It's like we're pretending it's not happening, but before we know it, the cookie is gone.
Lately, I've noticed a lot of girls doing this with relationships. They're willing to take just part of it. The hook ups without the title. The dates without the emotional commitment. The weekend hangouts without the exclusivity.
They're taking the piecemeal relationship.
But is it really that satisfying?
It seems to me that we all deserve more than crumbs - the whole cookie, in fact. And I was thinking about how a lot of us feel pressure to race to the altar, and because of it, we accept less than we deserve. There can be so much pressure as people around us get engaged, married and pregnant. That constantly ticking clock - those constantly updated statuses - can make you feel like you should hurry.
When I found myself unexpectedly and abruptly single at 24 - just months away from 25 - I was panicked by the looming birthday. I cannot be single at 25. I kept thinking. I for sure thought I'd be getting engaged at 25, not singlefied at 24-and-three-quarters.
But I was, and I felt really lonely. And sometimes I just wanted to rush forward - to hurry up and meet someone and get to know him and get engaged and finally have that wedding I'd dreamt of since age five.
But I don't think we should race. I don't think we should try so hard to keep up with it. Whenever I start to feel rushed, which is more often than I care to admit, I think about the idea of living one way now, so you can live another way forever.
For right now, you live with those high standards; you don't give in -
you don't date someone you know isn't right for you
or someone who is only kind of right for you
or someone who is great but doesn't share your values
or someone you're constantly questioning
or someone who is nice to everyone else but hurts your feelings a lot.
And it's a little bit hard, because life can get lonely and it's painful to feel like you're getting left behind. It's painful to feel like you're the only single one left. Like you're so ready and you don't know what you're doing wrong.
But then, you get to live the way you want - in love and with the guy worth waiting for forever.
A while back, I read about a study that was done that showed toddlers who were given candy and told to wait to eat it. Those that waited versus those that didn't ended up being more successful later in life. And I keep thinking about those toddlers and that I should be like them.
Because if we're willing to wait a little bit longer - if we refuse to settle - if we're willing to walk away from good in order to get to great - I think we'll be more successful later in life, too. We'll have partners by our side. We'll have the whole cookie instead of crumbles. And that sounds pretty great to me.