Last week I had another miscarriage at 10 weeks pregnant. I’m not ready to talk about it - honestly, I’m still shocked - feeling like I had the wind knocked out of me.

But I know from sharing on Instagram that a lot of people are in the same boat - grieving the loss of a baby they loved and never got to hold. First of all, I just want to say how sorry I am for your losses. I know there are no words I can say to take away your pain, but I want you to know how truly sorry I am. And thank you, so much, to everyone who has reached out with support and hope and wisdom.

I thought I’d share a few things that might be helpful to someone in the midst of this season. I also want to recognize that this list might not be right for you. Grief is such a universal, yet personal, process.

Thinx underwear // Sadly, bleeding is inevitable, even if you have a D&C. Wearing a pad is terrible, especially near the end when the bleeding is lighter and it starts to feel like a diaper. Having Thinx made the process a little bit less uncomfortable the second time around.

Nice night things // Nighttime is hard after a miscarriage. I struggle to fall asleep, so I kind of dread bedtime in the wake of loss. Luxurious PJs (like Lake!), a silk pillowcase (like Slip!), diffusing essential oils or having a good face wash made the process a little less painful. Self-care 101, I know. But sometimes, managing our basic needs feels most overwhelming when grieving.

A binge-worthy show // I watched The Carrie Diaries the day of my D&C. It’s so bad it’s good. The perfect zone-out-reality show.

This Ted Talk about grief and this sermon. // A lot of people sent me podcasts about miscarriages, which I appreciate because they were trying to be helpful. I’ve found, though, that listening to strangers’ stories only made it harder. I am sure some people feel less alone listening to them, but that hasn’t been my case. These two resources felt more helpful.

The right kind of worship. // Worship is so personal, especially during grief. Driving with the windows down and music blaring, or walking and listening to my headphones, has helped me feel most connected to God. I have especially liked Another in the Fire, Good Grace and As You Find Me. The lyrics “your love is too good to leave me here” have been my anthem.

Staying off Instagram // In your 30s, especially, it’s basically a baby feed. Normally, I love seeing them. Post-miscarriage, it has felt super hard. When it comes to grief, it’s important to recognize what hurts and take breaks as needed.

Consume what feels right // Drink coffee, or don’t. Drink wine, or skip it. Eat carbs or chocolate or carrots. Just do what feels good to your body and soul, knowing someday, somehow you will feel like yourself again. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself and listen to what you need.

And most importantly, know that you are not alone. It’s a club no one wants to be in, but so many are. We grow wiser and stronger in our pain, as much as we want to avoid it. Trust that there is hope. Believe good things are coming. You will not be here forever.