Is the Mailman My Best Friend? And other thoughts.

We are in the “what day of the week is it?” phase of sickness at our house. My kids have done a very effective baton pass of strep, flu, strep, flu since last Thursday. There’s nothing, really, less likely to inspire creativity in me than the reality of sick kids: no normal routine, no sleep, no margin, no time alone. But, here I am, wrapping plastic cutlery in napkins and ribbon for a teacher breakfast at the preschool later this week, and the mood struck.

I’m thinking of starting a Substack. I had this idea immediately after my last post. It felt so good to have a creative outlet. But, I couldn’t think of a good name for it and it totally stalled me out. For some reason, I just keep thinking “the mother load,” which is so far off of any brand I want to project. But it is acting as a mental block. (Side note: I am definitely not naming it the mother load.)

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I saw the mailman yesterday when I finished my run and gave him a big wave and a hello. And then I realized I am in the season of stay-at-home motherhood where the mail carrier can feel like an actual friend because you see him or her every day and, sometimes, that might be the only adult conversation you have. I should have gotten him a better Christmas gift!

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I have thought about the trend of switching to a flip phone a lot lately. I really try to be aware of how much I am on my phone, but, I definitely struggle with picking it up or checking it too much. After reading this post about a woman who switched to a flip phone, I was inspired - definitely - but it made me realize it’s not a change I would like to make.

There are a lot of reasons (excuses?) I could give you as to why it wouldn’t work for me, but I think I needed to be more honest with myself: I like having the conveniences of an iphone. I love Facetiming, jamming to music with my kids and listening to audiobooks while I run. I like being connected to the world via my phone in a healthy way.

Having this epiphany made me realize I just need to maintain a healthy relationship with my phone. No one is going to do it for me :) Making changes - like treating my phone as a landline and leaving it in a certain spot, rather than carrying it around - have helped. Also, getting my phone out of my bed (I know, I know!) has been a game changer. I wish I’d listened to the experts sooner on that one.

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As I was typing this, I thought: does anyone care about my relationship with my phone? Maybe not, but I did want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my last post and was so encouraging about me writing again after a casual five year break. It made me feel so loved. I don’t think myself an influencer online, but it did make me feel seen and heard in this little corner of the internet.

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Speaking of being an influencer, I am well aware that I am in my season of micro-influencing, meaning influencing the micro sized people in my home. But, for those who want to be influenced by what I am loving lately, here are a few things:

• Frownies: I’ve come and gone with these over the years because they were not my favorite for sleeping. But, after using them consistently, I’m finally used to the feeling as night. And, I think I’m noticing a difference on my forehead. It, at least, makes me feel like I’m doing something productive for wrinkles.

• The Outset: I found this brand this winter and absolutely love it! BeautyCounter’s collapse left a real void in my beauty routine. I love the Outset’s lip mask.

• Nuuly: I’ve been renting from Nuuly for almost two years and I am a huge fan. I love how empty my closet is! Chris loves that I don’t buy random one-off clothing items from Target.

• Two GREAT books: Is She Really Going Out with Him? So fun. So enthralling. A little predictable, but worth it anyway. These Silent Woods: absolute page turner and a beautiful story of parenthood. I cried, I laughed. I loved it!

• Farmers We Know granola: We got this at Costco and it’s 10/10. Sweetened with dates and the perfect texture.

Thanks for reading my random musings! :)

The Very Real Whiplash from 2020 to 2025

Today, Delta told me I flew twice in 2024. Two flights. Total. One to Florida and one to Denver. I sent a screen shot to a friend: it’s a sign of the times, I said. There was a season of life when I flew at least twice a month to see friends and family, not to mention work travel mixed in. There was a time when most of my paycheck went toward purchasing airline tickets. When I even had, dare I say it, status :)

But now, I’m very much in Zone 8 (or Zone 27, if you’re flying Delta through Atlanta). Between having babies, nursing babies, and Covid putting a major pause on our auxiliary travel, it stopped being something we did without thinking.

Around the new year, I saw people posting about the “major whiplash” of 2019 to 2025. The pandemic warped the years; we all lost track of time and were left a little unsteady on our feet. What year is it?

In 2019, I was desperate for a second baby. We’d had two miscarriages, three D&Cs and a chemical pregnancy. I started 2020 so weary that, at many points, the pandemic felt easier for me personally than 2019 did.

Here we are in 2025 (right?), and the whiplash I feel is real. To hold Annie, our fourth baby, leaves me humbled in a way nothing else has. At times, I can barely begin to feel the depth of gratitude - it’s like the anecdotal iceberg - I can see the tip of it, but there is so much more to process below the surface.

For a long time, I’ve wanted to write about hanging in there if you’re going through it like we were in 2019. But how can I do it without feeling trite? I’ve struggled because I know there are people who have been in the depths of infertility for years and did not enter 2025 with four babies. I am humbled and grateful beyond words that we did and I believe, so deeply, that each person’s story is written for them - no pain will be wasted. But when it comes to infertility, I know those words can feel like platitudes, bandaids. So I’ve waited and stayed quiet.

The last time I blogged, Mac was still in his crib. I was just beginning my third trimester of my pregnancy with Hank. I was holding my breath every day, begging the Lord to give us this baby. With each pregnancy I breathed a little easier, especially as we passed the first trimester.

Here we are, at the end of our fertility journey. Doesn’t it feel good to know this is our family? Chris asks me. And it does. It absolutely does. I’m purging baby clothes. Each time Annie and Hank grow out of something, it’s on to the next family as fast as I can get it off of their little bodies.

It’s bittersweet, of course, but I anticipated more of an ache with it. I think I’m so overwhelmed with gratitude for all that we have, that there is hardly room for anything else.

Annie is sleeping through the night and napping well and, for the first time in a long time, I can see through the fog a bit. In March, I was laid off from my job due to a restructuring. Before that, Chris had switched jobs. We’d also moved houses and, to be honest, in every year of our marriage since 2016, we’d made a major change - new city, new baby, new job, etc. I’m feeling my shoulders drop for the first time in a long time this year. Who knows what changes 2025 will bring, but I’m so grateful for be asking questions I have not had capacity to ask in recent months. What do I want to do for income? For example.

My blog (can I even call it that, five years later?), is riddled with spam comments. My pageviews are at an all time low and this is certainly no longer an income source. But, today, Delta’s overview of my travel made me laugh out loud and felt like a writing prompt. Just as Delta intended!?

In case you’re still here all of the years later, I’ll leave you with this:

What I’m cooking: I have the Defined Dish cookbook and we cannot get enough of her baked crunchy tacos. A crowd pleaser for adults and kids alike!

What I’m reading: I just finished Listen for the Lie and One Perfect Couple. Both were non-scary page turners. Right now I am reading The Last Time I Lied and Family Discipleship. I am enjoying them all!

What I’m loving: My new 64 ounce water bottle. It’s so extra, I know! But it helps me stay hydrated while nursing Annie. I love that it has no straw and has a handle. I wish the mouthpiece was silicone instead if plastic, I must admit.

Thanks for reading :)

Summer Favs

It’s officially summer, my friends. Though it’s been summer in my heart for at least a month now. Here are a few of my favs so far this season.

For me!

Shark Freestyle Watch // My sister introduced me to these watches and they are my jam. I love to lose track of my phone in the summer and knowing the time helps me do it. I love the bright colors!

These shades // I loveddd my Diff sunglasses and wore them for three years, which, in sunglasses years, feels like 10. But they were super heavy, so when they broke, I decided to explore other options. After trying multiple pairs under $30, these are by far my favorite. Neon, polarized, lightweight. What more could you want!?

SuperGoop Unseen Sunscreen // Worth. Every. Penny. It’s so light and really protects your face. My summer makeup routine (which I can hardly call a routine) is this screen + BeautyCounter Dew + Thrive Causemetics mascara. Quick and easy, but I feel pulled together.

These Target tanks and shorts // In the tank, I got red and white striped and red and blue striped. In the shorts, I got black and grey. I wanted coral but they were sold out in my size. I have worn this combo every day since I got the shipment. Obsessed! The shorts are not maternity, but I just wear them low.

For Mac!

BeautyCounter spray sunscreen // We used BC sunscreen the entire time we were in Greece and never got too much color! Putting it on my baby felt like a no-brainer. Mac loves that it sprays; he thinks it’s a game. He always asks for more, which is music to my ears.

Splash About Nappy // Mac was required to wear this for his swim lessons this winter and I became a believer. It’s a swimsuit with diaper built in. So convenient. Also, this tight suit on his tiny buns kills me! It runs large - he’s 2 and is in the 6-12 months size.

These shorts // So soft and lightweight - and adorable. Part of his summer uniform for sure.

Sandals // Mac got these in camo for his birthday and they’ve been perfect for summer. We stomp around in the creek by our house a lot and they always stay on.

RuggedButts rashguard // Reaaaalllly wish they would have named the company RuggedBums, especially since they print the name on everything. But I must admit, the products are great. Mac wore this one all summer 2019 and it held up so well. Probably in good enough shape for baby #2.

Thoughts on Motherhood, part 2

Mac is in his crib, singing at the top of his lungs. I'm working in the office, a light, warm wind blowing through the room. It's nearly 90 degrees outside but the breeze is making our house bearable. 

This morning, Mac must have sat on my lap 10 times. He walks up with a book or toy and sits right down, unaware that my space isn't his space, too. Today, as his full weight fell upon me, my lap getting smaller as the baby gets bigger, it hit me that, someday, he won't think of my lap as an extension of himself. He won't sit on it as the rightful owner, unaware that my body wasn't only created for his use. 

The baby is kicking now, as I type away. Mac's singing, this sweet kicking, these moments - I hope I don't forget them. I hope I never forget the feeling of Mac's weight upon me. I hope I never forget the way he sings, with so much confidence and certainty, "Now I said my A-B-SONG!" 

Last week I decided that two is my favorite age, which I also said at 6 months and 12 months and probably not 18. :) When I hold another newborn later this year, will I say it's my favorite, too?

There's this beauty in motherhood that each season can feel like the very best one, which fills me with joy and also anxiety - why does it have to go so quickly? Motherhood is constantly knowing you're going to miss it when it's gone, paired with an inability to do anything about it. It can almost make you crazy. 

If a genie really did grant me one wish, it would be to have a little bottle where I could go back in time and see Mac at various ages whenever I wished. A little sip of him as a newborn. A hit of him at 12 months. Moments, here and there, to taste a little bit of the past, while staying in the present, still moving forward. 

Someday he might be taller than me (though I'm pretty tall!). With arm hair and facial hair and a manly voice. Someday he won't sit on my lap or lay his head on my shoulder when I sing to him at night. Someday he won't say, "One more squeeze?" with the biggest smile at bedtime, already knowing one more hug is coming his way. It brings tears to my eyes just to type these words, to know these days are not forever. 

I know it's all about sinking into the present and enjoying each moment. I know it's about being grateful for each day that we get. I know all that. But today, I feel especially nostalgic for the sweet moment we're in, just the three of us Saxons with one - whom we've yearned for so deeply - on the way in 16 weeks. 

So here's to today, for what it is and all that we have.