2012, I liked you. You were different and fun and exciting. You had trips and happy visitors and festivals and a triathlon and a well and new homes and family time and so many adventures.
And you were happy. And I loved you.
But, roomie Katie and I were recently talking and were both a little bit sad that we started the year out so strong (she got engaged, for crying out loud), and then let the fall get away from us. It left us feeling like 2012 wasn't as great as it was, because we didn't embrace the final season. As we started to reflect on the first nine months of the year, we realized it was a phenomenal one, indeed.
But from September to December, we realized we spent a lot of time waiting. Waiting for the rats to be gone, waiting for my foot to heal, waiting for our house to be back to normal, waiting to be able to run again...
And when you spend so much time waiting, you stop embracing and living.
That thought, in and of itself, got me thinking bigger - how often in our 20s I think we do a lot of waiting. For a job, to move to a new city, to meet the right person, to live near our family, to buy a house... We're all waiting for something because we're all in different spots.
But I don't want to wait, because I love life right now.
I'm not a particularly middle-groundy-person. If I do things, I like to really do them. And the thing that I want to do really a whole lot is control every aspect of my life. But what I want to do, even more (most days), is trust God's plan. And there is this tricky middle ground where I want to control everything and trust Him and then it gets all messy because that's not really how it works.
It's hard to do both, which is why I find myself in this awkward area of praying to relax and not control things, but also secretly trying to control on the side. Something like: God, please let your will be done. But also let this happen and this happen. But mainly let your will be done. But if it could happen next week that would be great, too...
It's hard to do both, which is why I find myself in this awkward area of praying to relax and not control things, but also secretly trying to control on the side. Something like: God, please let your will be done. But also let this happen and this happen. But mainly let your will be done. But if it could happen next week that would be great, too...
And where did we net out??
So. My resolution for 2013. This year, I want to stop waiting for the next thing, and to just live life, and trust everything will fall into place. Because, um, had the plan I laid out happened so far - well. It'd be a hot mess. Thank goodness 18-year-old Whitney didn't get her way! And 26-year-old Whitney may pretend to be a leetle wiser, but that's not really the case so much.
So, here's to an amazing year - rat free, injury free and wait free. Because, this life? It's pretty amazing. And I couldn't feel luckier to be living and loving with so many incredible people around me.
Happy shiny, sparkly, new year to you!
