During the last year, I've been working to move away from the idea that I am whole based on production + performance + perfection. And instead, that I am whole. Just as me.
The hardest part of those three has been the production. I once read about an author who spends his Sundays doing nothing. He just hangs on his couch and chills. Snacks? Sure. Books? Yep. Exercise? Checklists? Nope.
This idea makes my skin crawl. A day without a plan? I'm not sure I follow.
To say I still have work to do on the production front would be a statement I'm very comfortable making.
However, as it always seems with the spring, about 1,000 projects came to fruition over the course of the last few weeks, including multiple events at work, Cheers for Children, a move and a few trips out of town.
When I woke up Monday, I realized that all of these things were done and life, as it seems, is slowing down. My new normal of chaos and running around like a crazy fool who hasn't slept or gone grocery shopping or picked up her dry cleaning in weeks is coming to an end.
And Monday night when I went to bible study, it seemed that everyone was right there with me. Sweet summer, how you slow us down.
We forgot about our chapters we were planning to discuss. Instead we walked down the road to get frozen yogurt and sit in the blessedly growing daylight. We talked about what we were thankful for and relaxed in one another's company.
And for the first time in a long time, I realized I wasn't planning what I'd do next. I wasn't worried about the time or stressing about how I was ever going to get to bed in time and wake up at 5:15 for yoga. I was just there - basking in their presence and the gloriously humid night air.
And it's nights like these that make me realize that while being productive may feel good, sometimes slowing down is so much more life-giving. Sometimes, when we take a moment to connect with one another - when we banish the checklists and life plans - is when we're really living.
So here's to the start of summer. To longer hours of daylight and slowing down just enough to enjoy every last one of them.
So here's to the start of summer. To longer hours of daylight and slowing down just enough to enjoy every last one of them.
