You deserve to be pursued. You deserve to be pursued. You deserve to be pursued.
If there is one thing I want to tell my friends, my clients, my future daughter, it's this: you deserve to be pursued. If there is one thing it seems, we so often forget as women, it's that we deserve to be pursued.
I've noticed that our sometimes controlling, sometimes eager to get to the future, sometimes scared tendencies make it so we protect ourselves by accepting less than we deserve. I've noticed we often dismiss our concerns when guy might not be exactly what we need. We ignore it when he doesn't call when he says he will. We pursue him blindly, ignoring the fact the he's never coming to us. We do lots of nice things for him (which, to be clear, is good) but overlook it when he isn't doing the same.
You deserve a relationship that is certain and steady, not uncertain and dramatic.
You deserve to be pursued by someone who wants to know you deeply and well. You deserve someone who surprises you with an almond milk latte, just because you mentioned you loved them. Someone who will bring you dinner when you're working late at night. Someone who will come over to help you set up for the party, because he wants to spend more time with you. Someone who calls, not just texts. Someone who plans dates ahead of time and is careful with your heart.
Someone who doesn't want to give you a fairy tale for a few months, but instead, someone who shows up in real life, on the good days and the gritty days.
I was reminiscing with an old friend recently and she was joking about how, when I first started dating Chris, I asked her: do I really want someone who makes the relationship so easy?
Now, let me translate what the means for those of you who don't speak the language of girls who are inherently drawn to players: Do I really want to be with someone who doesn't play games, treats me well and is sure of his feelings?
Or, even more clearly: Do I really want to be with a man?
Sometimes, I like to randomly remind Chris that we barely know each other, in comparison to how well we'll know each other many years down the road. You think you know me now, I joke, but someday, you're going to look back on these days and be like oh my gosh, can you believe we thought we knew each other super well when we were 28? We were practically strangers!
This might be an exaggeration. Too soon to say. But, the point is, if he isn't pursuing you in the beginning, when you're still a mystery to be discovered, he's not going to pursue you later on. If he isn't pursuing you when the butterflies are flying around your stomach and your eyes are exploding with hearts, there will be no pursuit later, when life is stressful and hard.
If you find yourself constantly saying things like: I bet he doesn't have his phone with him! Or: maybe he didn't get the text! If you find yourself constantly yearning for more from him - time, emotional connectivity, thoughtfulness - it's worth noting. Does it have to be over? Of course not. But, it's worth figuring out what more you need. Because, you deserve to be pursued. You deserve to be with someone who wants to know you as well as you know want to know him. And who treats you as well as you treat him. You deserve love that is reciprocal.
So, just in case you're wondering if you're being too demanding, needy or asking for too much: listen to your gut. And, in case you're unsure, let me remind you: you deserve to be pursued. You deserve to be pursued. You deserve to be pursued.