Last night McCoy woke up between feedings. He cried for an hour with gas pains before crashing back to sleep. Poor sweet babe! By the time he was settled again, I knew it would be only 30 minutes until he needed to eat.
I laid in bed listening to his sweet breathing inside his bassinet. I wanted to fall back asleep - to sink into the rest I knew I could snag. But knowing he would be up again soon made it hard to settle. I knew this little stretch of quiet would be gone before I knew it and it made sleep hard to access.
There I was, wishing I could relax and enjoy it, but struggling to embrace it.
I thought then that this is how we sometimes feel when good things come along in life. We want to embrace them - to let the joy and goodness wash over us - but a fear that they might be taken away often leaves us anxious. We brace for the worst, unable to sink into the goodness of today. I did this a lot when we were engaged and when I was pregnant.
I had to make a conscious effort to really embrace the joy of the season and let go of my fear that something terrible was going to happen and take it away.
Does anyone else out there struggle with this? Lately I'm easing the anxiety by practicing gratitude. I'm also trying a new technique where I say something out loud, like: I can't believe we have a baby I love so much! We are so lucky. Sometimes I'm scared something bad will happen to him. I just love him so much and am so thankful for him.
Anyway. Now that I type that out it makes me sound a little silly. But, that's OK. :) It works for me and helps me sink into the joy of the season.
What helps you embrace the good in your life?